I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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