i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize