I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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