We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
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And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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