Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize