it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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