So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
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Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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