I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize