I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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