Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
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I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
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I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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