when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
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I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
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How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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