dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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