OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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