i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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