i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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