I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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