Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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