So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize