so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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