Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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