my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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