watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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