God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
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She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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