he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize