Cold hands, warm shart.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
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