If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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