She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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