In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
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apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
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