Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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