just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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