I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
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Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize