just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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