I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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