i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
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We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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