I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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