The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
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Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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