I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
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either way he was missing a nipple.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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