$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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