I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize