ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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