My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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