Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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