I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize