I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize