She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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