i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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