my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize