his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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