you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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