I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize